I didn’t sleep much as a teenager. I remember every weekday at 11pm, Star Trek: Voyager would come on the television. I never went to bed with a snuggle, tuck, hug or even an “I love you”. They didn’t want me around and that’s okay. Every night I would stay up and watch it snuggled up in my bed. I was enamored and enthralled with this strong, female captain who wanted so badly to get her crew home.
Kate Mulgrew was more a mother to me than my own. I’m afraid of what would have happened to me if I hadn’t found Star Trek. What kind of person might I be? Would I be apathetic and narcissistic like them? I remember my dad making fun of me for liking Star Trek. He called me a nerd and said it was stupid and lame. I didn’t care. In my juvenile mind, he was stupid and lame for never wanting to hang out with me.
I remember seeing Seven of Nine come on the screen. I remember being embarrassed by her outfits because they were so tight and revealing. It was my first and probably only crush on a girl. I felt like I was apart of the liberated Borg. I looked at life methodically and logically and yet those stupid emotions creeped in and they didn’t make sense. I didn’t felt like I belong in my hive but I also didn’t belong without it either. I was lost and so very lost that I didn’t know if I could ever be found again.
Each and every character on that show became a family to me. I wanted to know everything about them. I wanted to understand and empathize with them being so far from home. No matter how bleak it was they kept hope and kept going. Fear couldn’t stop them from getting home and their sheer bravery in the face of adversity motivated me to find my home.
I’ve watched the actors and actresses in some of their shows after Voyager ended and its hard not to see them as Captain Janeway, Seven of Nine, Icheb, The Doctor, Chakotay, Tuvok, Neelix because all of these character hold a very special place in my heart. I hear their voices and its reminiscent of all those years that Voyager was my lullaby.
As I have grown older, I’ve always fought the urge to message them on social media and tell them how profoundly they’ve affected my life because #creeperstatus but I feel like blogging may let me say it without saying it directly.
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