Momma Killers…

It seems that every day I am reading stories about mothers killing their children. I don’t understand it. How could anyone murder someone who grew inside of them?

Ten years ago, it was something that shocked and horrified us.  Marybeth Tinning killed her nine children, Andrea Yates killed her five children, Susan Smith murdered two and these were headlines today it barely hits the news.

When I type in mothers who kill their children, I am confronted with millions of articles and blogs about it and I am wondering what makes a woman do this to their children?

Some of them kill to hurt their exes and the fathers of their children while some do it because they’ve reached a breaking point and are unable or unwilling to ask for help. There are mothers who kill their children for religious reasons or because they can’t afford to have another child.

Kaylee Anthony is one of the few who have gotten National media attention over the last few years but what about all the other lost children taken from this Earth from the woman who was supposed to ensure no harm came to them?

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Crying children…

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What happens when both your children cry over seemingly nothing?

Doctors have ruled out all possibilities for Benjamin but he cries… ALL the time.People around me say its because I spend too much time with him or because I breastfeed and wear him.

Adison cries the second anyone yells at her. She doesn’t get her way, she cries… What the hell is wrong with my children?

Seeing them always crying makes me feel like I did something wrong, Am I a horrible parent because my children cry? Is my son a wimp?

How do you explain to people that it is impossible to spoil a baby? Babies don’t understand that you’re coming back when you put them down and walk out of the room. They don’t know that you’re listening and getting them their next bottle or that you will be changing their diaper as soon as your done peeing yourself.

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In the current state of the world, I want my children to know that there is such a thing as love. It does exist even though the world seems so drab and loveless. I think the prime example of what I am trying to accomplish just happened.

I was sitting here eating lunch and Ben decided he was lonely. Adison says, “Mom, you eat. I got this.” I walk downstairs and hear my five year old telling Benjamin a story and on my way up, she is singing him a song.  It may not seem like a whole lot to some people but I think that the love she shows for everyone is very apparent by the way I was with her as a baby.

Benjamin cries if he isn’t able to crawl around and explore. He’s a very curious man and would much rather be on the floor then in a jumper.

So the next time you want to criticize a mother and say her children are cry babies or she should get him off the teat, thing about the children you’ve raised. If you have never raised a child, I would expect you would have enough decency to keep your mouth shut.

 

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Dental Care

I have recently become insured through my husband’s work. I was on Medicaid when I was pregnant but am now regretting not getting anything done to my teeth while I was on it.

It sickens me to the core at how much dental work costs nowadays. I feel bad for my parents if this is how much it cost when I was a kid.

When I was a little kid, I didn’t brush my teeth like I was supposed to. Add to that horrible genetics and there you have the current state of my mouth. I had gotten a few things fixed while in the Army but after that crazy old dentist put a needle through the roof of my mouth, I was petrified to go to the dentist in any capacity, even when I wanted to rip my mouth off from pain.

I went a few times for non evasive procedures but the moment they said Novocaine, I peaced out. Unfortunately for me, that has left me with a lot of damage in my mouth, very embarrassing, painful damage.

At this point, I have gone to two dentists in the last month.

One of them wants nearly 10k to fix my teeth plus I would have to go to Cleveland for oral surgery.

The other wants $2600 but couldn’t give me an estimate of the cost of oral surgery.

How the hell are normal people supposed to afford the dentist?

It seems to me that you either have to be rich or on welfare to get dental care. That is very sad.

Then they offer credit options. Okay… so I have student loans and I don’t currently work… oh you debt to income ratio… you kill me.

I understand now why so many people have bad teeth. They can’t fucking afford it.

Co-parenting…

This applies to not only myself but also a very good friend of mine.

When I  became a single mother at 20, I had no idea what to do. I had no intentions of ever being with Adison’s father and a lot of you know why.

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When is it okay to tell the other parent to hit the road? When their new significant other begins to intervene in a successful co-parenting plan? When they aren’t contributing in anyway?

My close friends and husband know exactly how I feel about my daughter’s father. I won’t share then publicly ever and especially never in front of my children.

Why does it seem like more and more single mothers have such deadbeat fathers in their lives? Why are the laws in favor of the biological parent when they weren’t parents or they suck? I will never understand how someone can completely ignore a child for four years and pop up and the laws says, “Sorry lady, you have to let him see her and he’ll give you diddly squat for child support.”

How is that fair?

On the other hand, mothers have a harder time running from the fact they are going to have a baby. They can’t really hide it too well, usually and eventually that baby is going to come out of there.

This is a very compounded post because there are several things about the co-parent that strikes me as odd or bothers me. Sorry.

So when that other parent gets a new significant other, when is it okay to make introductions to your child? What about when the SO is significantly impacting your ability to parent and co-parent. Why do SO’s feel they have to be involved in you and your child’s father’s life?

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The main point I am trying to make is that the relationship is between you, your child, and their father. Their father, may or may not be an ex but they are still in your life. When can you set ground rules about interactions with other people? Its insane to think that women these days are so vindictive and controlling that they thing this is part of their domain.

I can’t honestly say I’ve dealt too much with that part because Adison’s dad hasn’t had too many new girlfriends, thankfully but I feel awful for my friend who does. She has to deal with the constant barrage of this other woman’s control and hate. The constant over stepping her place as the “new woman”.

The internet has made it easier for men and women to pretend they are parents. Post a few pictures of your kid and put statuses about them. If it weren’t for the internet, I would have never met my daughter’s father and I wouldn’t have her. I think being a part time parent is bull shit. Being a girlfriend of a part time parent is even bigger bull shit.

Sorry for the rant. It was necessary.

“It is not a la…

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

My husband is my best friend. Maybe that is why we are so happy together. I see all these people getting married and years, maybe even months later getting divorced. My husband and  I have been together for two years and we have never fought. We’ve argued for a moment and then its over. We have never said something we’ll regret only to apologize later and I think it is because we are friends.

When I got married, I gave up the “I” and became a “we”. He did as well. He went from being a single guy out on the weekends to a man with an instant family. He was there for me and for Adison in ways that other people we not. Its weird to watch a child change before your eyes when she has a very positive male role model.

I can remember every single amazing moment that I’ve spent with him. I remember the first messages back and forth. He had an amazing way with words. He used proper grammar and for those who don’t know me… that is true love right there.

I remember the first meeting. I was so nervous but he was buying a recliner for his apartment because he didn’t have enough seats for Adison and I. He invited me to stay the night because I had stayed too long talking about everything.  I remember the first kiss. The first, “I love you”, the first cry because I was so happy. I remember it all and yet I can’t seem to wait for the next happy moment.

People say marriages don’t last because the attraction is gone. The sex is gone. The love it gone. I honestly feel they must have never had them to begin with. Two years later, I still feel like giddy little girl every time he caresses my arm or hugs me. I still get butterflies every single time he says he loves me and I still feel like he’s the best friend I could ever ask for.

 

Best Friends.

My son has best friends already.

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Ben and Gabriel at his birthday party!

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Ben and Noah playing through the baby gate.

I am glad that my son has friends. Hopefully they are friends that remain with him for the rest of his life. I personally have only one friend who has been there since kindergarten and even her and I don’t keep up as much as we should.

It is also AWESOME that I consider Gabriel and Noah’s mommies to be good friends. People I share things with and have a lot in common. Many people know that I do not like people. I have never been a “people person”. I think 90% people are dumb and I have nothing to talk to them about.

I am 26 and not including my husband, I have about 4-5 friends and I would consider those 4-5 people good friends; perhaps even best friends. Oddly enough, I used to hate one of them more than anything. Long story. Her and I know it very well. It wasn’t until I stopped to realize that I didn’t hate her, I didn’t know her and I hadn’t taken the time to realize we had more in common then originally though.

Its weird. As you grow up, your priorities change and what you value in a person changes. I look back and realize that the people who were my friends in school were malicious and ignorant. They used to keep me around to pick on and because I was silly enough to do stupid shit. Fair enough. I am only friends with one of them now.

After HS, I looked for friends who had drugs. I am not going to lie. I didn’t like anyone but if they had something to mess me up, I was their best friend until it was gone.

Now, I look for responsible, caring people. I wish I could teach my children this and them listen. My mom always said you don’t need friends. Friends just hurt you. I thought she was crazy. Looking back, she is crazy but she was right.

Shhhh… don’t tell her.