Ever since I’ve become a mother, I’ve learned that the biggest bullies are other mothers. So often I see women putting another woman down for her choices without knowing the whole story.
“Oh, you didn’t even try to breastfeed? You lazy, selfish, person. You shouldn’t even have kids.”
“You’re not vaccinating? You should be sterilized?”
“You’re circumcising your son? What about his rights?”
“You eat processed foods? You’re killing your children.”
“Crying it out? Are you insane? They’re going to be retarded because of it.”
“You’re going to smother your children because you cosleep.”
“You’re a pervert if you cobathe.”
“You discipline by spanking?! You are breaking the sacred bond of trust between mother and child.”
Here’s my take on it. I am not a crusader for people to parent my way. If you are, then you ought to look for a new hobby besides pushing your beliefs down anyone’s throat. There is more than one way to raise a child and your way isn’t always the right way for someone else.
We are so stuck in this mode of though that involves being the best and knowing what is the best. Its saddening that mothers can’t turn to each other for support without getting treated like garbage.
That woman you made feel like shit because she didn’t breastfeed, had a double mastectomy to save her life.
That woman who doesn’t cosleep, has an alcoholic husband and can’t risk having her beautiful baby in her bed.
The mother who cobathes can barely afford her water bill as it is.
The woman who chooses not to vaccinate, lost a child to vaccine injury and is just too ashamed to talk about it.
We don’t stop and think about why people do things the way they do. We just take their choices at face value and attribute it to being a horrible person and parent. Its not fair.
As a person who runs a groups for moms, I am always seeing mother’s bashing other mother’s choices and it hurts my soul because in the end, we’re all mothers doing the best we can for our children. Parenting is already hard enough without having to listen to the constant barrage of insults.
BE KIND. EDUCATE. LOVE.
This is my group’s motto. Honestly, when I put it up there, I meant it. If you want to change how someone does something, attacking them will never help. It will never fix it. It will only make them defensive and angry and hurt. Attacking them will make them feel like they are less than human and they are pieces of crap.
Mother’s are always trying to teach their children not to be bullies but most of the time, we as mothers, are the biggest bullies and our own worst enemies.