My fears…

The closer my due date comes, the more fearful I get of labor and delivery. I have never been afraid of a cesarean but having a natural delivery scares me.

With a cesarean, its planned. You know exactly when you’re going to have the baby down to the exact time. You can get to the hospital without any issues and find daycare.

With a cesarean, it takes about an hour and then your precious tiny human is all yours. In my case, I was able to nurse Ben and Charley immediately in recovery and they did not leave my side.

And in my case, a cesarean is where I am comfortable. I know what to expect. I know how it will feel. I know how I will feel. Recovery is hard but manageable.

So you’re wondering, why stray from my norm?

Why push myself to do something I’ve never done before?

Why drive an hour for a VBAC supportive doctor?

Why put myself into an unknown, often undocumented situation that could have plenty of risks?

The answer is very simple—

I’M NOT BROKEN.

Every time, I decide to have a baby, I am repeatedly told that I must have a cesarean. I am not able to even have a trial of labor and that’s not fair to me or my body.

I have never known what it is to feel a real contraction that wasn’t pitocin filled. I have never gone into labor spontaneously. I have never felt the gratification and satisfaction of birthing a child the non surgical way.

HOWEVER, I AM STILL NOT BROKEN.

Plenty of medical professionals tell me that a VBAC3C is not possible and no doctor will allow me to even try. Well, they’re wrong.

They tell me that in addition to risks, there are stakes.

They tell me that me and my child will die.

They tell me that a repeat cesarean is much safer.

The truth is, they don’t know. There just isn’t enough data to give doctors a reasonable estimate of what could happen and as scary as it is, I am willing to help change that.

BECAUSE AS I’VE PREVIOUSLY STATED:

I AM NOT BROKEN.

I may go into labor and hours in something may happen requiring surgery but that is something I have come to terms with. The fact that I was able to attempt to have a vaginal delivery and someone believed enough in me and my body to give me a chance is more than enough to heal from my past birthing experiences.

This is meant to help me heal. It is meant to give me the option of having more children down the road.

I will do this. I will birth a baby without surgical intervention.

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