In 77 days, my husband and I will welcome our new daughter, Charlee into the world, in an operating room.
Why you ask?
Well, to give the short version, I have never dilated or effaced on my own. None of my babies have ever became fully engaged and even with pitocin, I have only gotten to 3 or 4 cm after 16 hours. My OB has said that if I go into labor before my scheduled c-section, I can attempt to VBA2C. I would love that. In fact, it would make having a 6 year old, 2 year old, and newborn much simpler but I have a bad feeling that Charlee will be as stubborn as the rest of her siblings.
I was talking to my mother the other day about my awesome breast pump (which I still use for Benjamin who has been given exclusively pumped breastmilk for 18 months) and she told me that I shouldn’t be giving him breast milk anymore. He doesn’t need it. I am honestly agitated at her lack of knowledge about it. She didn’t breastfeed any of her three kids. She says its because her “boobs were too small.” Apparently, breast size is in direct correlation with ability to produce.
She also told me to get my tubes tied and to not wear this baby so it wasn’t a titty baby.
(Let’s avoid the lynch mob. FOR NOW.)
When I was a teenager, I promised myself that I would never be like my mother.
I would never put my needs and wants above those of my children.
I would never let my children CIO because I needed a “break”.
A crib wasn’t and still isn’t a place for the baby to hang out.
A baby needing love isn’t impeding on my life as an adult.
I will never lock children in their rooms at night so I can sleep in.
I would never practice their so-called “unattached parenting”.
I was five, maybe six years old and I remember being locked in my room in the morning because I didn’t want to wait for my mother to get up at noon. I am twenty-seven years old and I still remember freaking out and banging on doors and windows because I had no idea why I couldn’t open my door.
I don’t want my children to carry around memories like that. I don’t want them to ever feel unimportant or abandoned by the one person who is supposed to always be there. NO MATTER WHAT.
I chose to be a stay at home mom. That means above all, I am a mother.