I am going to write a thought a day until Charlee is born. I feel like it will help me calm down before I am a mother of THREE children.



If you’ve watched the new Carebears show, I have a bone to pick with them. Why do they need to say ‘shady’ a hundred times an episode?

Best friends.

I suppose I can catch up on everything and get everything out that’s been going on.

First off, in thirty-four days, Miss Charlee Mae Ecker will join the world. I have been counting down to May 15th since the beginning. I get too excited but to watch my stomach grow and the days shrink has been so excited even when I have felt like death.

We’re also getting ready for all the birthdays! Its kind of hectic in my house for May and June. Charlee’s birthday will be May 15th, Benjamin’s is May 22nd, Jeremy’s birthday is June 6th, and Adison’s is June 20th. This year, I will be planning one birthday party for everyone in the beginning of June so I have some time to heal and don’t have to expose the baby to too many people at once.

I have still yet to wrap my head around the fact that in a few short weeks, I will be a mother of three amazing children! I will probably also have plenty of dark circles and bald spots!

Benjamin has begun climbing on everything he can. I went into his room after his nap and he was sitting on top of his bookshelf reading a book. I was upset at first but then the excitement over his book and the fact he got up there himself overtook any bad feelings. He also high fives and blows kisses to everyone. MELTS MY HEART!

Adison has begun doing so well on her spelling tests and with reading! I am so happy that her grandma, Carla has been working so diligently with her! She seems to understand Adison’s learning style better than I do but I aim to learn how to make sure she is successful in school. Her behavior in general has improved without any medications although we still do have some problems. Nothing compares to how it was six months ago. I am so proud of the young lady she is becoming.

Lately, my husband has been the most amazing man anyone can ask for. He’s be so great this entire pregnancy that I couldn’t imagine not having him here for me. Every time I have a bad day, he runs me a warm bath and puts the kids to bed for me. He’s sent me for a pedicure and it was heavenly! He rubs my neck and back and feet.

Life is perfect right now. There is more love in my household then anyone could ever understand and I love it. Its everything I ever hoped and dream for as a kid. I have never been so happy to be anywhere.



I seriously just realized that and then I realized that I have so much crap to do! I have most of the big stuff done besides putting up the crib which is awesomely at my parent’s house and getting the dresser which is at my aunt’s.


Benjamin’s side of the room is done for the most part. He’s got his moon and his solar system mobile. He loves the stars and moon so its awesome that my friend, Amoke bought this as a gift for him for his baby shower. Benjamin also has his star certificate which was given to him by Brittney! He has different sheets as well but those are also at my mother’s house.

Getting them to drop anything off is like pulling teeth.


I am using a pack and play as a stand in for the crib so I don’t have a huge empty spot where the crib will be. I totally did the cliche thing and got paper lanterns from Joann’s for a mobile because, well I like it.


We also blocked the closet off because apparently our landlord didn’t think closet doors were important. I have three closets this size without doors and I think it looks trashy but then again who am I?


Oh gosh! So much to do.


About ten years ago, I was given a red eared slider which eventually became my daughter’s turtle. Bob is a good pet because you don’t have to do much and quite frankly, you forget you even own them. I unfortunately forgot that I owned said turtle. Oops. Call it “prego brain” or “I have too many pets and people to remember and I’d rather not forget about one of my children” but her living conditions were deplorable. I went to her tank and I couldn’t even find her, I was sure she was dead, in fact, I told my husband that Bob was died. His response, “Who’s Bob?”

I felt so awful for the turtle that I not only made a midnight Walmart run for a new filter, food, and light but I also stayed up playing “Florence Nightingale” until 3 AM even though I knew my kids would be up shortly. I was woken up a mere four hours after I went to bed and now I am ridiculously tired. Why? I felt horrible about forgetting about the damn turtle. Bob is know in my kitchen sink because apparently she forgot how to swim and the turtle dock is missing.

My family and I have several animals. Its like my house feels empty without a few fur babies running around.

We have Jack Attack O’Neill


He is an eight year old Pit, Rott, and English bulldog. He is the most passive dog I have ever met in my life. He has never barked and only snapped at me after he had his pelvis broken by a car. He lets my kids climb on him and ride him and he is the best dog that has ever lived. It helps that he looks scary because he’s the perfect “stay the eff away from my house” dog. He is named after the lead character on Stargate SG-1 played by RIchard Dean Anderson. :D

Now my cats have the awesome pleasure of having insanely long names.

Here are Baby Waffles Hitler “It’s okay I’m Jewish” Ecker, Heir to the Throne and Atlas Butterscotch Tip Tail Ecker, Benchwarmer to the Throne.


It’s kind of funny. When I was pregnant with Ben, I needed the furry so Jeremy and I went to the APL and adopted our first cat together. His name was Doctor Hitler Mussolini Mihn Ecker Esq. Ruler of the Universe but unfortunately, he was murdered by a car. He was named Hitler because of his mustache and was an epic cat but he was lonely so we adopted Baby Hitler who was originally Waffles but he copied everything the good Doctor did so he became the junior version of him. After the Doctor’s death, Baby Hitler did not do much for weeks. He went into the yard looking for his papa and I could not bear the thought of him being lonely any longer so Atlas was adopted.

I love my fur babies a very close second to my human babies and I couldn’t imagine not yelling at one animal a day to get out from under my feet or tripping on a cat or two while cooking.


77 Days!

In 77 days, my husband and I will welcome our new daughter, Charlee into the world, in an operating room.

Why you ask?

Well, to give the short version, I have never dilated or effaced on my own. None of my babies have ever became fully engaged and even with pitocin, I have only gotten to 3 or 4 cm after 16 hours. My OB has said that if I go into labor before my scheduled c-section, I can attempt to VBA2C. I would love that. In fact, it would make having a 6 year old, 2 year old, and newborn much simpler but I have a bad feeling that Charlee will be as stubborn as the rest of her siblings.

Funny story.

I was talking to my mother the other day about my awesome breast pump (which I still use for Benjamin who has been given exclusively pumped breastmilk for 18 months) and she told me that I shouldn’t be giving him breast milk anymore. He doesn’t need it. I am honestly agitated at her lack of knowledge about it. She didn’t breastfeed any of her three kids. She says its because her “boobs were too small.” Apparently, breast size is in direct correlation with ability to produce.

She also told me to get my tubes tied and to not wear this baby so it wasn’t a titty baby.

(Let’s avoid the lynch mob. FOR NOW.)

When I was a teenager, I promised myself that I would never be like my mother.

I would never put my needs and wants above those of my children.

I would never let my children CIO because I needed a “break”.

A crib wasn’t and still isn’t a place for the baby to hang out.

A baby needing love isn’t impeding on my life as an adult.

I will never lock children in their rooms at night so I can sleep in.

I would never practice their so-called “unattached parenting”.

I was five, maybe six years old and I remember being locked in my room in the morning because I didn’t want to wait for my mother to get up at noon. I am twenty-seven years old and I still remember freaking out and banging on doors and windows because I had no idea why I couldn’t open my door.

I don’t want my children to carry around memories like that. I don’t want them to ever feel unimportant or abandoned by the one person who is supposed to always be there. NO MATTER WHAT.

I chose to be a stay at home mom. That means above all, I am a mother.

Peanut so far

Today I am 26 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

It seems like the days are getting longer and May 15th is so far away it hurts. This third pregnancy has been by far the most physically painful and exhausting of all of my pregnancies and I am seriously ready for it to be over.


I find myself also very disappointed because I have had three ultrasounds so far and I have only been given three photos. I know I am being a whiner but I have probably twenty of Adison and thirty of Benjamin. I have all the ultrasounds confirming gender with a statement of “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” I am so infuriated that I don’t have any of that for the new baby. All of the ultrasound techs have been rude. My OB has apparently become a mindless idiot and I am frankly not enthused with going to appointments anymore. I have called with issues and get treated like a first time mom. Obviously, if it wasn’t really bothering me, I would not be calling.

He acts like my repeat c section is business as usual and even casually warned me that with each new c section, “it gets a little dicey.”

Vomitting bile that tastes like your grandma’s soap is apparently nothing to be concerned with and every time I get the “yeasties,” I am supposed to drop everything to make an appointment.

I am also supposed to discontinue my trips to the chiropractor.

This baby can not come soon enough.

Unnecessary Cesearean Sections.

As a young, first time mother, I too was trapped into the “Let’s induce your labor the day after your due date” scheme. I don’t understand why so many people are so impatient anymore about letting babies come when they’re ready.

Labor has become over-medicalized. Thousands of years ago, woman gave birth at home with their mothers, sisters, nurses, nuns around and now we have a team of doctors, midwifes, nurses, anesthesiologists, among other medical professionals. Labor is sped up because we are the generation of “I want it now” and that includes our babies. We don’t want to wait and labor and be uncomfortable any longer than we have to. 

When I was 39 weeks pregnant with Adison, I was told by Dr. Tseng that he would induce on the 20th of June. Her first due date for the first seven months of pregnancy was May 30th and from seven months on, it was June 19th. Dr. Tseng didn’t really give me much option to go into labor on my own. At 39 weeks, I was not effaced and not dilated at all. Sadly, after sixteen hours of pitocin and laboring, I was told that I would be getting a c-section and epidural. I was twenty years old, I didn’t know I could refuse and that I could go for several more hours but the doctors wanted to go home. I made it to 4 cm and lots of back labor.

Benjamin was an sort of elective cesarean. I had wanted so desperately to try to VBAC because I guess I felt like less of a mother because I had a baby maliciously torn from my abdomen for the convenience of my medical staff. I wanted to find a doctor who would allow it and after switching doctors four times, I was heartbroken and feeling defeated because I was told that no one allowed VBAC. My second section was scheduled for 39 weeks pregnant and Benjamin came into this world, also violently ripped from the womb. I must say that this section was much more calm and I got a lot more of the things I so desperately missed out on with Adison’s birth. I didn’t have to go to a recovery room and wait for nurses to bring my child in. My husband was able to carry Benjamin from the operating room to the recovery room and I was able to nurse as soon as I was closed up. Much better experience all around. 

I don’t mind c sections but I feel that doctors nowadays are taking so much from woman to convenience themselves. Having a large gaping wound across your abdomen is not fun nor is it an easy recovery. Not all women have help after birth and must climb stairs and must carry things heavier than their baby.

I have so many people I see saying they’re being induced and I want to scream so loud because I know that nine times out of ten, they will have a c section and usually their isn’t a problem. Its just they’ve labored all day and people want to go home.

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, c-sections are at an all time high of thirty one percent but I am inclined to think about how much of that thirty one percent are medically necessary?


This is a very different post than what I would usually write but I am so freaking agitated and my pregnant brain makes it worse. I live in a duplex with neighbors sharing a wall. It is a woman in her late 30′s and her 15 year old son. They are both really nice and very quiet but my biggest complaint is they are lazy and worthless. Their tiny little dog craps all over the shared sidewalk and they don’t clean it up ever. They also don’t help with mowing or shoveling of snow. When they do shovel they stop at where the shared sidewalk in on my side of the fence. I mow their entire lawn. I used to shovel the entire driveway, now I pay someone to plow it. Not once has this young, athletic kid offered to shovel or mow. Today was the first day they went back to school. The kid shoveled the front walkway to the bus and couldn’t get the six inches where my kid steps. I got the driveway plowed, not a thank you or an offer to play half because she has an SUV so she doesn’t need it plowed. Not an offer to pay for half the gas I spend mowing.


I hate people.

Crafting with my toddler!

Pictures will follow later but Benjamin and I decided to make Daddy’s Christmas present. So imagine a non-pinterest loving person checking out all this crap. Yes, I totally felt like a man but we’re going to have fun!

We’re going make a salt dough hand print to hang above Daddy’s desk at work and I’m going to let Benjamin finger paint a picture. Lord, help me.