Goodbye Facebook! Hello, REAL LIFE!

The first step to overcoming an addiction is to admit you have problem.

I am one of those people that every time I think of something classy or funny, I have to share it. I have to share every funny thing my children do and I have to share every single frustration I have.

It has become a place where everyone overshares their entire life. I don’t care about your bathroom rituals, you children’s potty training mishaps, your breast milk leaking because quite honestly, I have my own shit going on.

Its a place where I spend a good portion of my day when I could be enjoying the outdoors or even my children more. I am too busy thinking of my clever next post. I feel like I am missing out on real life.

I will still be blogging but hours will not be spent on FB anymore.

 

HELLO LIFE!

 

On the internet, I can be anyone I want to be. I can be that clever, witty, charming woman. No body knows much about me in real life and that’s the way I’ve always liked it.

A little different…

This post is a little different than what I normally post. I have been keeping up with the news regarding Tamerlan Tsarnaev. Everything I read offends me. I am not religious, as I have stated previously but the utter disregard for human life regardless of their crimes, is insane.

Yes, I understand that he is responsible for the deaths of innocent people.

Yes, I know he is a terrorist.

Yes, I am fully aware an eight year old boy was killed by his actions.

Why do people feel that his remains should be desecrated because of what he did? A news article I read summed up how I feel so eloquently.

“Easy to understand, but wrong. Ultimately, Tsarnaev’s burial isn’t so much about him or what he deserves as it is about our society, which generally tries to do the decent thing. Decency means treating the dead with basic civility and respect, no matter who the person was or what acts he may have committed.”

When we take ourselves to a level of disrespecting a corpse, where has our humanity gone? I mean, honestly, what bad could come from him being buried and giving his family some closure. While, I understand that his family has reportedly denied him and said he deserved his death, wouldn’t you at least want some closure?

People are killed every day.

People are executed for heinous crimes and their families are able to bury their bodies in accordance with their faith. What makes him any different? The fact is they are immigrants who followed the radical side of Islam and many Americans can’t stand the fact that they are Islamic.

I think that regardless of his crime, he should be afforded at least the decency of an Islamic burial. Yes, his Islamic tradition may have caused him to viciously kill people but like I stated before, he is still a human.

It makes me sad to raise children in a world so consumed with hatred. So obsessed with retribution that people aren’t treated with even basic civility.

I would like to think that if we showed mercy and civility towards his body and afforded him the proper burial, we could eventually start building bridges to Islam. Desecrating the body could be the start of another war, a long bloody war over religion and faith.

Lets just for once, be the bigger man.

Two weeks until the big day!

Last week, I started a three part series about Ben. He will be one on the 22nd and I am kind of sad because his age will now be calculate in years and not months…

So back to the story!

I remember lying there thinking that about how this was so different then the first time. I was aware. It was calm. No one was rushing and I had someone by my side. I remember the nurse saying that I would be feeling some pushing and pulling and I said, “It feels like someone is sitting on my chest!”

A few moments later, I hear its a boy and then comes Benjamin’s welcome cry into the world. I was chocked up and said to Jeremy, “There’s your boy.” He walked over to see him and came back with this tiny little person in his arms. He sat next to me and just looked at his son.

I was only in the hospital for two days after my cesarean. I was trying so hard to stand up and walk around a few hours afterwards and it was awful but when I nursed him, I felt so close to him and nothing else mattered.  His pediatrician decided he was jaundice and so we had to take him for blood work every single day. It was upsetting watching them stab his little foot but he rarely cried and slept so well. His dad when on third shift shortly after he was born and Benjamin and I were able to co-sleep very effectively.

I woke up to this little man every morning and my life couldn’t get any better. He nursed well. He slept well. He was learning. He was growing. Benjamin is a very loving child. He’s a snuggler.

He loves everyone.

Its amazing to watch a little person grow and know that you had a part in this. You helped create and nourish and love this little person.

This little boy is our world.

To be cont’d.

Funny on Camera

Benjamin and I have a daily ritual of watching babies on Youtube. Its weird but he loves it. I have yet to understand how come I can never catch anything my children do on camera. Is it because I am not one of those moms with the camera shoved in their faces 24/7?

Benjamin likes to talk “with” these babies. He goes right along and yells with them. It seems like everyone else’s children are way more funny and cute.

The same goes for Adison. She does funny stuff but I am never ready with the camera. All the crazy things she says are never caught on camera.

Adison has told me that she needs me to buy her a shovel. Why you ask? Because she has to bury her boyfriend in the backyard. Don’t ask. She’s been in 16 relationships in two years mostly with Justin Bieber.

Kids are funny and maybe I should shove the camera in their face so I can share it with the world or I can just enjoy it and keep it to myself.

 

Almost ONE!

In three weeks, my son will be one! I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by and how many firsts I have experienced.

He has always been a very adorable and interesting little guy.

I will never forget when Jeremy and I found out we were expecting! We were so excited. We danced around the living room singing, “We’re going to have a baby!” We started calling him Baby Benny before we knew we were having a boy and my husband was the most amazing man when I was pregnant.

He easily dealt with my cravings and my crying because we don’t have a Chinese buffet around here.

At 15 weeks, we found out we were having a boy. I went to the emergency room because I had a UTI and kidney infection. They wanted to check him out and see what was going on in there. Adison asked the ultrasound tech if it had a penis and sure enough he did! I got home and woke my husband up to show him the pictures and tell him the awesome news.

HE WAS GETTING HIS BOY!

A few weeks later they scheduled my c-section and we went in on that day. I could my husband was nervous when they brought him into the operating room. He held my hand and I smiled at him. He was shaking. It was amazing…

This is continue at the month goes on. He’s not one yet you sillies!

 

Momma Killers…

It seems that every day I am reading stories about mothers killing their children. I don’t understand it. How could anyone murder someone who grew inside of them?

Ten years ago, it was something that shocked and horrified us.  Marybeth Tinning killed her nine children, Andrea Yates killed her five children, Susan Smith murdered two and these were headlines today it barely hits the news.

When I type in mothers who kill their children, I am confronted with millions of articles and blogs about it and I am wondering what makes a woman do this to their children?

Some of them kill to hurt their exes and the fathers of their children while some do it because they’ve reached a breaking point and are unable or unwilling to ask for help. There are mothers who kill their children for religious reasons or because they can’t afford to have another child.

Kaylee Anthony is one of the few who have gotten National media attention over the last few years but what about all the other lost children taken from this Earth from the woman who was supposed to ensure no harm came to them?

Crying children…

What happens when both your children cry over seemingly nothing?

Doctors have ruled out all possibilities for Benjamin but he cries… ALL the time.People around me say its because I spend too much time with him or because I breastfeed and wear him.

Adison cries the second anyone yells at her. She doesn’t get her way, she cries… What the hell is wrong with my children?

Seeing them always crying makes me feel like I did something wrong, Am I a horrible parent because my children cry? Is my son a wimp?

How do you explain to people that it is impossible to spoil a baby? Babies don’t understand that you’re coming back when you put them down and walk out of the room. They don’t know that you’re listening and getting them their next bottle or that you will be changing their diaper as soon as your done peeing yourself.

In the current state of the world, I want my children to know that there is such a thing as love. It does exist even though the world seems so drab and loveless. I think the prime example of what I am trying to accomplish just happened.

I was sitting here eating lunch and Ben decided he was lonely. Adison says, “Mom, you eat. I got this.” I walk downstairs and hear my five year old telling Benjamin a story and on my way up, she is singing him a song.  It may not seem like a whole lot to some people but I think that the love she shows for everyone is very apparent by the way I was with her as a baby.

Benjamin cries if he isn’t able to crawl around and explore. He’s a very curious man and would much rather be on the floor then in a jumper.

So the next time you want to criticize a mother and say her children are cry babies or she should get him off the teat, thing about the children you’ve raised. If you have never raised a child, I would expect you would have enough decency to keep your mouth shut.

 

Dental Care

I have recently become insured through my husband’s work. I was on Medicaid when I was pregnant but am now regretting not getting anything done to my teeth while I was on it.

It sickens me to the core at how much dental work costs nowadays. I feel bad for my parents if this is how much it cost when I was a kid.

When I was a little kid, I didn’t brush my teeth like I was supposed to. Add to that horrible genetics and there you have the current state of my mouth. I had gotten a few things fixed while in the Army but after that crazy old dentist put a needle through the roof of my mouth, I was petrified to go to the dentist in any capacity, even when I wanted to rip my mouth off from pain.

I went a few times for non evasive procedures but the moment they said Novocaine, I peaced out. Unfortunately for me, that has left me with a lot of damage in my mouth, very embarrassing, painful damage.

At this point, I have gone to two dentists in the last month.

One of them wants nearly 10k to fix my teeth plus I would have to go to Cleveland for oral surgery.

The other wants $2600 but couldn’t give me an estimate of the cost of oral surgery.

How the hell are normal people supposed to afford the dentist?

It seems to me that you either have to be rich or on welfare to get dental care. That is very sad.

Then they offer credit options. Okay… so I have student loans and I don’t currently work… oh you debt to income ratio… you kill me.

I understand now why so many people have bad teeth. They can’t fucking afford it.

Childhood…

I miss the days of being a kid.

When I had no responsibilities, no payments, never had to worry about anything.

Co-parenting…

This applies to not only myself but also a very good friend of mine.

When I  became a single mother at 20, I had no idea what to do. I had no intentions of ever being with Adison’s father and a lot of you know why.

When is it okay to tell the other parent to hit the road? When their new significant other begins to intervene in a successful co-parenting plan? When they aren’t contributing in anyway?

My close friends and husband know exactly how I feel about my daughter’s father. I won’t share then publicly ever and especially never in front of my children.

Why does it seem like more and more single mothers have such deadbeat fathers in their lives? Why are the laws in favor of the biological parent when they weren’t parents or they suck? I will never understand how someone can completely ignore a child for four years and pop up and the laws says, “Sorry lady, you have to let him see her and he’ll give you diddly squat for child support.”

How is that fair?

On the other hand, mothers have a harder time running from the fact they are going to have a baby. They can’t really hide it too well, usually and eventually that baby is going to come out of there.

This is a very compounded post because there are several things about the co-parent that strikes me as odd or bothers me. Sorry.

So when that other parent gets a new significant other, when is it okay to make introductions to your child? What about when the SO is significantly impacting your ability to parent and co-parent. Why do SO’s feel they have to be involved in you and your child’s father’s life?

The main point I am trying to make is that the relationship is between you, your child, and their father. Their father, may or may not be an ex but they are still in your life. When can you set ground rules about interactions with other people? Its insane to think that women these days are so vindictive and controlling that they thing this is part of their domain.

I can’t honestly say I’ve dealt too much with that part because Adison’s dad hasn’t had too many new girlfriends, thankfully but I feel awful for my friend who does. She has to deal with the constant barrage of this other woman’s control and hate. The constant over stepping her place as the “new woman”.

The internet has made it easier for men and women to pretend they are parents. Post a few pictures of your kid and put statuses about them. If it weren’t for the internet, I would have never met my daughter’s father and I wouldn’t have her. I think being a part time parent is bull shit. Being a girlfriend of a part time parent is even bigger bull shit.

Sorry for the rant. It was necessary.